PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
