I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
