Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
