I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
40s are totally the cure
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
