Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
