The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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