you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
