When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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