you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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