So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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