my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
