You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
