if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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