I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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