her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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