We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
