Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
