You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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