John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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