went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
