He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
