Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
