can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
