I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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