If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I could make wine with my vomit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
God, I missed his penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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