her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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