I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
