If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
