Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
