Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
