i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
