I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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