Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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