White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize