I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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