we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
