We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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