I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
