OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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