can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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