Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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