Your tits are I can't wait for
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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