Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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