so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
