My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize