New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
