soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
