I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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