have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
did you just send me my own nude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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