You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just found puke in my bra..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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