I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
