can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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