Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
