i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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