The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
