ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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