It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
