Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
