I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
