I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
