Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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