i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
