A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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