Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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