i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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