I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
