I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
