I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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