your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
