Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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