i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
