I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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