On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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