Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
